Marriage and Whitewater

Patty and I spent the day on the river a couple of weekends ago. We put in on the northern part of the Guadalupe with only a couple of hours to float. We took our recreational kayaks, which have never been on anything other than flat-water with the exception of when Patty and Matthew took it down the Sabine, resulting in her dumping it in muddy, snake infested water.  As a result, she was a little nervous when we put in adjacent to stage one rapids.

After we got off the water three hours later, I started thinking about how our trip was very much like a marriage.  We started with stage one water. These rapids are fun.  If you have any type of balance at all, you seldom have to engage in a wet-water exit.  They are exciting and a little challenging, you move fast and it's exhilarating. After a few minutes we hit flat-water where the water calmed, allowing us to float and relax for little while. Every once in awhile we would hit some rough water but nothing too challenging.  In fact, it got a little boring after a while.  After some time, I spun the boat around and started telling Patty that I wished we had a longer stretch of rough water, something that might challenge me a bit.  It was at that moment I heard a building roar behind me that turned into stage two rapids.  I have to admit I was a little cocky at one point and decided that I needed to try to catch a little air. I learned some valuable lessons.

Lesson number one; when a recreational kayak catches air, and you are in said recreational kayak, you may not return to the river at the same place as said kayak.  Lesson number two; when both you and your kayak are  bobbing up and down in the river, you just gotta  keep swimming.  When you're in deep water, you simply have to trust in your personal flotation device and keep swimming for the shore.  Lesson number three; when you're in deep water, there are usually people around willing to help. You should let them. Lesson number four; a kayak filled with 100 gallons of water is hard to bear alone.  Even if a 19-year-old girl asks if you need help, you should probably say yes.  Lesson number five; it's hard work to get back into the kayak, but you have to do it if you’re going to reach your final destination. First pump the water out, then find your balance, and last but not least you have to get back into the boat.  You really have no choice.  Lesson number six; sticking it out is worth it.  At some point you can look back and know you have a great story to tell.

Marriage is very much like this. You'll have some exciting times, you'll have some boring times, and at times you’re going to feel like you're in over your head. Just keep swimming. Stick with it. Don't give up. There is someone holding you up, and you can trust in Him.  Remember there are people willing to help, but you may have to set aside your pride. When people ask if they can help, let them. When people say they are praying for you, pray with them.  There's nothing wrong with people helping each other when someone is in over their head.  Don't procrastinate. Get help sooner rather than later. Putting a marriage back together is hard work, but you have to do it. It's the right thing for you, it's the right thing for your spouse, and it's the right thing for your family. It might seem easier to get a divorce than to pump out 100 gallons of water. It's not. The damage to your family and your friends is nearly impossible to completely repair.  There are times when divorce is what has to take place, but these instances are fewer and farther between than the divorce lawyers let on.  Stick it out, and one day you will be able to look back and tell a story of God's faithfulness and redemption.

I love my marriage.  It is both fun and scary at times.  It is sometimes easy to the point of boredom and difficult to the point of being too much to bear.   I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Patty is a huge part of who I am.  Jesus uses all kinds of things, people, and circumstances to shape and mold me into the man he desires me to be, but the tool he uses the most to create the man I am becoming is Patty. As I look back over the many adventures shared with the love of my life, I realize I will have some great stories to tell my grandchildren. My prayer is you will have a great story to tell as well.

Scripture for the Week:  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Prayer:  Father, continue to teach us patience and perseverance.  Teach us how to forgive, how to express your love to our spouse, and give us persistence to stand and face the challenges of marriage together.

A Chord of Three Strands

Marriage is a complicated thing.  It's purpose is both clearly defined in scripture and mysteriously misunderstood in our fallen world.  God has a plan that works exceptionally well when executed but seems almost impossible to follow as we live out our lives in the chaos of our day-to-day challenges.  The reality is that marriage is hard, exceptionally hard.  In fact marriage, as it was intended, is impossible unless the designer of marriage is in the middle of yours.

I attended a friend's wedding yesterday.  Twenty-two years old he was standing before God and friends watching his bride walk the aisle.  He was as white as a sheet but the feelings he had for her was almost palatable.  You could tell he adored her.  She walked in crying, dressed in a beautiful white gown.   You could tell she was enraptured in his love and the love of her family.  I love these events; the love, joy,  passion, fun, dancing and celebrating.  It brings me back thirty-two years to when the love of my life entered the back of the church, walked the aisle and married a man who was just as enraptured and just as naive.  Flash forward thirty two years and life has taught me a few lessons.  One of these lessons is that life is hard. Life is a challenge and so is marriage.  We live in a fallen world that encourages self-centeredness, self-defense, and self-promotion and when both partners in a marriage focus on themselves it creates a little hell on earth.  The fact is that the two people who walk the aisle and say "I do" will never have what it takes to make a marriage work.  The miracle of a great marriage takes a miracle maker.

One of my favorite pictures of marriage is found in Ecclesiastes 4:12.  It reads, "And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not easily broken."    The sage understands that we, as followers of God, are under attack; that we need others to withstand those attacks;  and that the more people you have standing with you the more likely you are to achieve victory.  My favorite application of this scripture is the husband and wife.  As they stand together their differences and strengths combine against the attacks of the enemy.  The third chord, being the spirit of the living God, strengthens the couple and gives them the strength to stand against the enemy.   This holy unity of marriage, which reflects the  threefold nature of God as well as the loving nature of God, is the foundation of a holy culture.  This explains why it is continuously under attack by the enemy, and the enemy is good at his attacks.  

Thought for the week:  Marriage is an amazing miracle that can only be established and maintained by God.  Your marriage has an enemy, and that enemy wants few thing more than to tarnish, tear asunder, and destroy your marriage.  Standing against the enemy requires you to stand firm in the promises of God and your identity in Christ. 

Scriptures for the week:  

1 Peter 5:8 - Be alert and of sober mind.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Ecclesiastes 4: 12 - And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not easily broken.

Prayer:  Father, strengthen our marriage.  Fulfill your promise to hold us together as we face the challenges of life and the enemy of our marriage.  Express yourself through us as we act in loving, respectful, passionate, and sacrificial ways.  Bind Your spirit into our marriage.  Reveal to us that we are a chord of three strands.

Three Strands Ministry at Colonial Hills