In their book "Love and Respect," based largely on this scripture, the author relates research that sheds some light on the needs of many women concerning love. How is love expressed by a man in a way that is received by a woman to meet her deepest need. Dr. "E" points out six categories that research has shown of which meet the deepest need of a woman.
Closeness - A woman needs to feel "close" to her husband which is accomplished by being listened to. A woman needs emotional release much like a man needs physical release and that emotional release is accomplished through talking. By engaging with a woman face-to-face, and really listening to her, she is able to vent pent-up emotions and thereby feel closer to you as her husband.
Openness - A woman needs to feel that you are open with her, able to express your feelings, and that you are not secretly mad at her. After a rough day at work, men often return home either grumpy and tired or expressing no emotion at all. However, women feel loved when you are open with them about your feelings, your daily activities, and your life.
Understanding - "Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 Understanding your wife is a lifelong process but is commanded in scripture. Learning how she thinks, what is important to her and how she differs from you in thought and action is the key to learning how to effectively show love to her. Note the end of the scripture which seems to imply that failing to do so will not only negatively effect the way a man relates to his spouse but will also negatively effect their prayer life. Want some more understanding> Check out this hilarious video from Mark Unger.
Peacemaking - Many men, when faced with fighting with their spouse, often withdraw. It is a way that we can take a moment to think and not say something that would be damaging. It is often the honorable thing to do. However, we are called to be peacemakers, especially with our spouse. Men are called to reengage and make peace with their spouse. See Ephesians 4:26.
Loyalty - A woman feels loved when you are loyal to her. Gawking at other women, pornography, or threats to exit the relationship call into questions your loyalty and love for her. While I fully understand that men are visual in nature, this does not excuse undermining our relationships with lust of the eyes. See Job 31:1
Esteem - Making sure you remember important dates like anniversaries, birthdays and other important events shows that you value her. These dates tell a story of your life together and they are imprinted on the calendar of her life. Showing that these dates are important to you shows that she is important to you. In addition, remembering the little things like her favorite color, favorite desert, or favorite flower shows that you pay attention and goes a long way towards showing you "esteem" her above all others.
So by using the acronym C.O.U.P.L.E. you can remember the ways that a women receives the love men are called and equipped to provide. Need a little more help??? The next Love and Respect Workshop is scheduled for September 8th and 9th at Colonial Hills. For more information click here.
