A Matter of Habit

 It is often said that if you want something to become a habit you have to do it for 21 (or more) consecutive days.  What habits do you have that enrich and strengthen your marriage.  Taking just a few minutes each day can have a huge impact on your marriage.  Want some ideas?

1. Pray for and/or with your spouse every day - Praying with your spouse is uncomfortable for many couples as it requires vulnerability and openness.  But the benefits are huge.  Pray for your husband to have a calm day at work; pray for your wife and her relationships with others; pray with your spouse concerning family issues, financial decisions, your sex life, work life and other issues that are critical to your relationship.
2. List three things about your spouse you are thankful for each day.  Write them in a journal or notebook.  Periodically, let your spouse know why you are thankful they are in your life.  Be specific.  Periodically jot it down in a note, a poem or a card.  A person cannot be thankful and critical at the same time.  We are called to be a people of thanksgiving.  
3. Do something nice for your spouse every day.  This does not have to be a huge act.  Load the coffee pod for them, put toothpaste on their toothbrush if you get up first, stop and pick up a few wildflowers for your wife on the way home.  The structure of a marriage is not built with huge acts of kindness but a lifetime of small acts of kindness.
4. Compliment them.
5. Thank them.
6. Want to add some romance...Kiss your spouse for 90 seconds every day for the next 21 days.  After a few decades of marriage we get into the habit of a quick "peck" when we say goodby.  When you leave the house each morning make sure the kiss lasts 90 seconds for the next few weeks. 

Scripture:  Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  

1 Thess.  5:18

Prayer:  Father create in me a thankful heart and instill in me habits of thankfulness.  

Happiness or Holiness

Why Marriage?  Well, we have to explore a few passages of scripture to understand the reasons and benefits of a marriage.  The Bible tells us God created marriage for...

Fellowship - Genesis 2:18

Protection - Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 7:9

Procreation - Genesis 9:7, Psalms 127:4-5

Faithfulness, Romance and Sexual Fulfillment - The whole book of Song of Songs

Reflection of God's relationship to us - Ephesians 5:22-33, Revelation 21: 2,9


Looking back over the past 30+ years of marriage I also have to say I believe that God uses marriage as part of our sanctification, to work out in us the holiness he has bestowed on us.  In his book Sacred Romance, Gary Thomas asks a question that has reverberated in my marriage for years now;  "Is it possible that God may have created marriage not for our happiness, but for our holiness?"  It is a great questions that deserves some consideration.  

God has set us apart as a special people.  We are people that reflect his nature as we bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control.  God works these fruits through us by putting us into situations that require the fruit to be exhibited.  Patience can only be exhibited in situations that try our patience.  Gentleness can only be exercised and exhibited in situations that require us to be gentle.  No relationship requires us to exercise the fruit of the spirit more than the relationship of marriage.  Putting two broken people in close  proximity to each other with all their fears, shortcomings and challenges and doing so for life results in either increased holiness or insanity.  I am convinced marriage is one of the primary tools God uses to develop us into a reflection of His Son, Jesus.  I am thrilled that I have a marriage that makes me happy for the most part.  But I am also convinced that I have a happy marriage because Patty and I both understand that happiness is not to be expected and that our relationship does not revolve around our feelings.  Our relationship revolves around Jesus, and it is only in that relationship that we can find true joy in our marriage.

Thought for the Day:  Marriage is a tool God uses to create in us an expression of Holiness.

Scripture for the Day:  Philippine 2:12:  Therefore, dear friends, as you have always obeyed---
not only in my presence but much more so in my absence -- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

Prayer:  God, help me see my spouse as a person you are using not only for my joy and happiness but also in my sanctification.