The Mysterious Complexities of Marriage

A Million Books and Counting

I love being married.  I learned early, however, that it is neither as easy as it looks or as bad as we often joke about it being.  It is complex.  It is complicated.  It can be hard.

There have to be a million books on marriage and intimacy; ninety-nine thousand of them reside in my closet.  They have been read, reviewed, and studied.   Titles like Sacred Marriage, His Needs Her Needs, The Five Love Languages, Love and Respect, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic, The Act of Marriage, Getting it On, Sacred Romance, What Did You Expect, God on Sex, Love at Last Sight, Kingdom Marriage, Love and War, Lifetime Guarantee...and the list goes on.  So many books and so many perspectives.  The truth is we are complex creatures living in a complex world with other people who are complex creatures living in a complex world.  No single study can fully educate a couple of how to navigate the mysterious complexities of marriage.

Where Can We Start

Each year at Colonial Hills we work through a series of studies that provide a good start for improving your marriage.  The Love and Respect Workshop provides a starting point where couples can learn some biblical practices from the creator of marriage that will help in navigating the tapestry created when a man and woman enter the bonds of matrimony.  We follow that up with an additional study that either expands on these concepts or adds additional perspectives on issues that range from spiritual warfare to forgiveness; from intimacy and sex to finances.  The next cycle is starting soon.


The Next Love and Respect Workshop is scheduled for September  at Colonial Hills.  For more information go to the Love and Respect Home Page at CHBC.

What Else Do You Offer?

Marriage Coaching from certified coaches, classes on a wide variety of topics regarding marriage, and two annual retreats a year where couples can get away together to focus on their relationship.  For more information or questions, please feel free to contact Michael and Patty Curtis at 903-316-1663 or by emailing them here.

Intimacy While Raising Little Ones

Sexual intimacy is an amazing gift from God that can be challenging when you are in the midst of raising kids.  Ryan and Selena Frederick from Fierce Marriage do a great job tackling this subject.

Many couples find this conversation challenging.  I would recommend getting over it.  Even if you don't have children in the home, discussing frequency as well as what works for both of you and what doesn't is a key tactic to a healthy and strong sex life.

Have a great week

1,000 Little Decisions

Last week I talked about Zig Ziegler and his amazing devotion to Jesus and his wife of 60+ years, Jean.  Since then I have been thinking about how he got there.  No marriage of 60 years is without it's fights, disappointments, losses, and challenges.  No marriage survives without focus, determination, and sacrifice.  No marriage remains strong without love, respect, passion, joy and God.  I was reminded of the last chapter of John and Stacy Eldridge's book, Love and War.  The chapter is titled Learning To Love and it has a section in which they discuss 1,000 Little Choices.  I am reminded that this is what marriage is, one-thousand  little decisions; choosing to love, choosing to minister, choosing to engage, choosing to respond, choosing to obey, choosing to forgive...again.  My guess is that Mr. Ziegler and his wife learned this truth early on.

No marriage remains the same.  Today, your marriage will become stronger or it will become weaker.  You will move towards intimacy, friendship and love or you will move towards cohabitation, boredom and soul killing numbness.   For it to become stronger, you will have to make decisions and take constant action.  You will have to send that text, spend that extra time in a kiss, open a door, hold a hand, buy some flowers, read a scripture, pray with and for your spouse, take out that garbage, pick up those socks, wash some dishes, put on that perfume.  Without constant attention, things always break down, deteriorate, fall apart.  I like to call it relational entropy and it is easily seen in how marriages start strong but break down, often in a very short time; often simply from neglect.  When rated on a scale of marital bliss from one to ten the average long-term marriage rates themselves at about a 3.  That is a shame.  With Valentines Day only 30 days away, this is a great time to start making positive strides in your marriage.  What actions can you take in the next 30 days to show your love, and express your respect?  Try this:

Week 1

1. Every day for the next week write down three things that you love about her or respect about him.
2. Next Saturday, write each other a note telling the other the top three things you love about her or respect about him.  This doesn't have to be dramatic, just let each other know what you appreciate about the other.  
3. If your going to go out for a special Valentine's evening...make reservations guys.

Week 2

1. Every day for the second week continue to note what you appreciate about them but in addition pray for you and your spouse.  Pray for your walk with God, your safety, your joy, your sex life, your family, and for God to work in you to become the spouse He can use to minister to your husband or wife.
2. The Saturday of the second week have a date night.  Go for a walk at a local park, cook a meal together, watch a movie.  Ideas for Movies that both guys and girls can dig:

• For the Love of the Game
• Last of the Mohican's
• The Italian Job
• Bull Durham
• How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days
• Dan in Real Life

Week 3

1. Continue with the previous actions (daily appreciation and prayer).  Start looking for your Valentines gift.  I know,  it's two weeks away which seems like a year, but just try it.    Think about something unique, something that shows some thought and consideration.  Think about what they value, enjoy and appreciate.
• Pictures of the two of you over the past 10 years put into a book.  You can get these at Walgreens for a small price.
• Take one of her favorite pictures of the two of you and make a puzzle out of it.  You can get these at the Wal-Mart photo shop.
• Make a CD of music from your marriage.  Maybe a favorite song from each year you have been married. 
2. This Saturday do something sacrificial for your spouse. 
• Give them a foot massage
• Do some housework they hate to do 
• Use your extra cash to buy them a small gift

Week 4

1. This is the week before Valentines day.  Make final plans and confirm reservations if appropriate.
• Purchase/pick-up their gift
• Find a card or create an original card on the computer
2. This Friday and Saturday join us for the Love and Respect Workshop.  Learn how you can allow God to grow and strengthen your marriage in amazing ways.  

While sustaining this level of commitment is difficult over the long-haul, daily thoughts of appreciation and daily prayer for your spouse is not.  In fact, we all should be ministering to our spouses in such a way as this would become habitual.  

Blessings

http://www.colonialhills.com/marriage/

I'm Glad I Did

I saw Zig Ziegler a few years back in Dallas before his death in 2012.  He was in a packed auditorium being interviewed by his daughter.  He had suffered a head injury and as a result had trouble focusing and staying on topic.  An audience member would ask a questions and he would begin an answer but soon trail off.  Within a few seconds his daughter would gently refocus him and he would continue until the answer was complete.  Even after the fall he was a powerful speaker and a man of wisdom and grace.

What most influenced me that day was those things that stood out as most important to him.  You could tell what those were because when his mind wandered, it shifted to one of two things; Jesus, who he accepted as his savior at the age of 42, and his wife of 62 years, Jean Ziegler.  It was an amazing thing to watch.  He would begin to answer a questions on relationships, life balance, success, and somewhere in the middle he would wander and begin talking about his savior or "That little redheaded girl that I love so much."  I had read his books but it was where his mind went when he got lost that left me so impressed.

I understand.  His mind simply wandered to where his heart was.  I am blessed to have the same savior and what I believe is most likely a wife very much like Jean.  My prayer is that when my ability to focus is gone the people I will think on will be the lover of my soul and the love of my life.

www.colonialhills.com/marriage