Beware the Little Foxes

Scripture is replete with advice on marriage.  Church members from Colossus were given advice on family structure, Ephesus received instruction on how to relate to one another, and similar advice can be found throughout the Old and New Testaments.  One of the best pieces of advice can be found in the Song of Solomon.  The writer is speaking to the lover and the beloved and pens these words:  “Beware the little foxes that get into the vineyard.”

I love the fact that the marital relationship is compared to a vineyard.   The vineyard evokes images of long, fruit bearing rows;  of vines on the side of Tuscan hill warming in the evening sun.  What we often don’t consider is the constant attention required of a vineyard and the fact that the keeper of the vineyard had to be vigilant against those things that would destroy his crop.  Marriage is no different.

It’s funny that we seem to think that the most important human relationship in our lives do not need attention.  However, inattention is one of the most destructive enemies of our marriage.  Ask yourself these questions:

• How much time each week do my spouse and I spend in intimate conversation? (The average in America is less than 9 minutes.)
• What have I purposely been involved in to strengthen my marriage?
• What does my sex life say about my marriage?  (Sex life is an indicator of a healthy marriage, not the cause of one.)
• Are my spouse and I closer than when we first got married or are we growing farther apart. 

So what is the answer?  A quote that comes to mind is from Steven Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, "put First Things First."  I facilitate a class based on this book and when we come to the third habit, "Put First Things First," we complete exercises concerning what is really important in your life and where you actually spend your time and energy.  It is at this portion of the training that I often face tears.  People start looking at where they have spent decades of their life as opposed to what is really important.  They start to realize they have neglected relationships in an effort to pay for a house that is three times the size they need or a car they bought just to keep up with their friends.  They recognize the folly of building relationships at work at the expense of the relationships that are dying at home.  In short, through either laziness or inattention, they have let the little foxes into their vineyard. 

Think about this over the next week or so.  What relationships are you investing in?  Are you investing your time and energy into the most important human relationship of your life?  Without giving it thought you will always default into investing in those things that are urgent, not important. 

• Are you balancing time with your spouse and time ...
• with your friends?
• with your children?
• in your ministry?
• with your family?
• Are you working on your relationship through ...
• praying together?
• studying together?
• planning together?
• working together in ministry?
• attending workshops (like Love and Respect)?
• spending uninterrupted time alone (like at a Marriage Retreat)?
• pulling the weeds in your relationship by ...
• working through issues instead of ignoring them?
• dealing with the sin in your lives together?
• finding a Marriage Mentor or Coach when issues arise? 

Without spending time defending against them, the foxes will attack your vineyard and undermine your marriage.  It is sometimes a slow process that goes unnoticed for years until the damage is done. 

One final thought; if you feel a little conviction, do not fear.  We serve a God of second chances, a God that is in the redemption business, and a God that can get you back on track in your marriage.  Reach out to a pastor, minister or friend that can help.  Of course, the Marriage Ministry at Colonial Hills is always there to support, help, and encourage you as you work to keep the little foxes at bay.  Give us a call at any time. 

Thought for the week:  What foxes have I let into my marriage and how will I start to defend against them?

Scripture:  Catch the little foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. (Song of Solomon 2:15)

Prayer:  Father, be the defender of our marriage.  Defend us from those things that attack and undermine our relationship.  Reveal to us our weaknesses, strengthen us and guide us in overcoming them, and work in and through us to create a marriage that honors you.