In fact, your spouse is not your source of anything that a righteous person seeks. Just to be clear, as a Christian, you have been given the righteousness of Christ, so you are righteous. So let me make my case.
James 1:17 says that all good things come from God. We see in Genesis that it was not good for man to be alone, so God created him a helpmate, a partner. Providing man a helpmate/partner/wife was the culminating event in creation. Man was blessed with woman, and that blessing was from God. Scripture says that if you cannot control lust (bad thing) then you should marry (good thing). The blessings of a wife are stated over and over in Proverbs. The Song of Solomon is a whole book on the blessings of sexual union (good thing) in marriage. Even Ecclesiastes, the book of doom and gloom of the Bible, extols the value of a partner (wife) to stand against the enemy.
So what is my point? God is the source of every good thing. We too often look to our spouse as our source of happiness, joy, entertainment, romance, validation, security, etc. We look to our spouse to meet all of our needs and are disappointed, sometimes tragically, when they fail us. Here is the secret...they were never designed to meet all of our needs. Only God can meet all of our needs, and sometimes he chooses to meet some of our needs through our spouse. However, God retains full responsibility for meeting our needs. Let me say it again because it is that important...God is our source and our spouse is one of the resources he uses to meet our needs.
Understanding that God is our source for all our needs and that our spouse is a resource God uses to meet some of those needs is a freeing realization. As a husband I can let God express his love for my wife through me as he desires. However, I am not responsible for meeting all of her needs for love, security, safety, etc. Only God can do that. When she feels her needs are not being met, we can join in prayer and ask God for what only he can supply. When I am feeling that all of my needs are not being met by my wife, we can join in prayer and ask why? Maybe I am expecting the need to be met from the wrong source, or maybe, it's not a need at all, but a desire.
Being disappointed in our marriage because of unmet expectations is a disaster of epic proportion, and may be the primary cause of divorce in couples. When we enter into a marriage with unrealistic expectations, and then focus on those expectations and our spouse's failure to meet them, we end up being contemptuous towards our spouse and sometimes even God. Remember that only God can meet all of our needs. We must go to him with our expectations, so we can see our marriage in the right perspective. This makes it easier to give thanks for what our spouse brings into our lives instead of expressing contempt for their perceived shortcomings.
Scripture: Phill. 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Thought for the day: Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over, expectations or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth, and the child will be named either contempt or respect.
Prayer: Father, thank you for your provision and help me to be thankful for the blessings you have provided. Help me turn to you with my desires, dreams and needs. Help me to have faith in you to meet all my needs.
Bonus Assignment: This week start each day identifying three things you are thankful for concerning your spouse. Do this every day and see if your perspective concerning them does not improve. At the end of the week share three things you appreciate in a card or note to your spouse.
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